Plot summary

In nighttime San Francisco, California, two police detectives, Freebie (James Caan) and Bean (Alan Arkin), pick through the contents of Red Meyers' trash and find an incriminating receipt. When Freebie suggests they arrest Red Meyers, Bean says they must locate their witness, Motley, first. The detectives decide to seek out Whitey (Paul Koslo), who is rumored to be involved in a criminal venture with Motley.The next morning, on their way to a construction site where Whitey works, Freebie tells Bean they need to join the vice squad so they can make a lot of money and retire early, but Bean wants to become a lieutenant. Freebie accuses his partner of having low aspirations, blaming his heritage as a Mexican immigrant.At the construction site, Whitey denies any criminal activity but informs the detectives that Motley is out of town and will return Monday for a poker game.On the highway, Freebie and Bean answer a call over the police radio. Freebie drives recklessly as he exits the highway, and Bean puts on a helmet to protect himself. They join several police cars in a chase that ends when a stolen truck flips over, dumping a large supply of whiskey onto the street. Freebie and Bean notice the truck is affiliated with the construction company where Whitey works, and assume the driver is in cahoots with him and Motley. They later visit Whitey at his home, beat him, and threaten his girlfriend until he finally speaks up, saying they are wasting their time going after Meyers because a contract killer has been hired out of Detroit, Michigan, to murder him by Monday.Soon after, Freebie and Bean follow Meyers (Jack Kruschen) while he walks his dog and discuss their plan to apprehend him. Without Motley, they cannot detain Meyers for his actual crimes, so the detectives place him under arrest for "indecent exposure," saying he unzipped his fly at the park. Meyers tries to pay them off, but Freebie and Bean take him into custody.At police headquarters, the District Attorney (Alex Rocco) reprimands the detectives for apprehending Meyers, a well-connected, albeit corrupt businessman, on such a ridiculous charge. Freebie and Bean explain that they have an "airtight case" against Meyers and urgently needed to arrest him. They hand over the ledger found in Meyers' garbage, but the District Attorney insists they produce a witness to corroborate their evidence. Freebie and Bean respond that their witness, Motley, will be available Monday. They also explain that an assassin has been hired to kill Meyers by Monday. The District Attorney instructs them to release Meyers and guard him against any hired killers until Motley returns.After Meyers' release, Freebie and Bean follow his car. At a clothing shop, they argue over the worth of pricey dress shirts while Meyers shops. Later, while staking out a barbershop where Meyers receives a haircut, the detectives spot a car with Michigan plates. Guessing the contract killer from Detroit is inside, Freebie calls for police backup. On the sidewalk, they approach the suspect and beat him up, only to discover the man is an unarmed Cadillac salesman.Back in the car, Freebie spots a suspicious driver and follows him while Bean reports the license plate number. They discover the license plate is stolen and continue to chase the car through the streets of San Francisco, running into a Super Bowl parade, which temporarily slows them down. Speeding along a highway ramp, Freebie loses control of the steering wheel and drives off the ramp. Miraculously, the car flies through the window of a nearby building and lands inside an apartment.That evening, Freebie and his girlfriend Barbara (Linda Marsh) enjoy a romantic dinner, but he changes the conversation when she suggests he move in.Later that night, the detectives stake out Meyers' home. When Bean falls asleep, Freebie steals his gun and wakes him up, pretending that assassins are outside. Bean rushes out but returns to the car when he cannot find his gun. Realizing that his partner pranked him, Bean chases Freebie into a nearby park. After a playful scuffle, he tells Freebie that he suspects his wife of cheating on him with a neighbor whose dogs dig holes in their front yard. Freebie offers to take Bean home, promising that nothing will happen to Meyers at his house, which is heavily guarded.At home, Bean lies on the couch while his wife Consuelo (Valerie Harper) reprimands him for creating a mess. Although it's 10:30 pm, she leaves, allegedly going to a parents' night at school.Later, Freebie and Bean go to a bowling alley in search of Michigan Phil (Robert Harris), a contract killer from Detroit. They spot Phil, and, as he goes to the bathroom, load their guns and follow him inside. The detectives shoot multiple bullets through Phil's stall door, killing him.Afterward, Freebie and Bean go to Motley's apartment where they find his former roommate taking a bath and claiming Motley is not there.Driving away, Freebie sees Bean's wife's car at a motel parking lot. The detectives pull in, put a 'no parking' sign in front of her spot, and call a tow truck to take the car.The following day, Freebie and Bean drive past a crime in progress as a Texas brawler beats people in the lobby of a hotel. Freebie and Bean arrest him, and, on the way to a nearby precinct, the man heckles them. Bean insists Freebie stop the car. Outside, he undoes the man's handcuffs and, pretending to fistfight him, uses a nightstick to beat him.Later, at a doctor's office, Freebie and Bean wait while Meyers undergoes dental work. Broder (Whitey Hughes), another patient, asks to see the dentist urgently and the receptionist allows him inside. Suspecting the man an assassin, Freebie follows him and fires shots. Broder reveals he is armed and crashes through the window onto a balcony. In the meantime, Freebie shoots another assassin, disguised as a dental hygienist. Freebie and Bean rush to a set of glass elevators and, boarding the elevator directly across from Broder's, shoot at him through the glass. Outside, Broder rides away in a van, and Freebie and Bean drive after him. After Broder's van collides with the detectives' car multiple times, rendering it useless, Freebie commandeers a motorcycle, driving it over cars stopped in traffic. Broder's van eventually flies off a bridge and crashes onto the street below. Freebie abandons the motorcycle atop the bridge and shoots at Broder from above, as Bean and other policemen arrive at the scene. Bean chases Broder's cohort into the kitchen of a restaurant and shoots him. Freebie appears, telling Bean that Broder got away.Bean returns home and interrogates his wife about her supposed affair, but she provides him with believable excuses for each bit of evidence brought against her.Later that day, a female blackmailer holds Meyers at gunpoint inside his car and demands $200,000. Freebie and Bean follow Meyers and the blackmailer to his office, believing the woman is Meyers' mistress. After she gets the money, the blackmailer requests to be dropped off by the football stadium where the Super Bowl is in progress. Meanwhile, Freebie and Bean get word that their witness, Motley, has been apprehended at the airport and they are free to arrest Meyers. The detectives stop Meyers' car, but the blackmailer panics as Bean approaches and shoots him. Freebie tends to Bean as he sinks to the ground, and the blackmailer runs away. Freebie gives chase, following her into a ladies' room inside the football stadium. There, he realizes the blackmailer is a transvestite, Motley's ex-roommate, whom he met earlier. The transvestite takes a child hostage and shoots Freebie in the arm. After the child breaks free, the men fight, and Freebie shoots and kills the transvestite.The District Attorney and Freebie's supervisor, Lieutenant Rosen, arrive at the stadium. They inform Freebie that Motley was killed on his way into town; therefore, the warrant for Meyers' arrest was canceled. Rosen convinces the District Attorney to let Freebie arrest Meyers without Motley. However, on his way to apprehend him, Freebie sees Meyers on a gurney, having died from a heart attack. The detective rides an elevator with the medic and Meyers' grieving wife, Mildred.At the ambulance, Mildred accosts Lieutenant Rosen, blaming him for her husband's death. Freebie looks on as it becomes apparent that Rosen was having an affair with Mildred. He confronts Rosen, who admits he coerced Mildred into throwing incriminating evidence into the trash, hoping Meyers would go to jail so he would be free to marry Mildred. Before the ambulance drives away, Freebie sees Bean on a gurney and assumes him dead. Upset, he rides in the back of the ambulance alongside his friend's body. Bean mutters from under a blanket that he wants a taco. Realizing Bean is still alive, Freebie yells at him, angry that he pranked him. The men tussle, causing the ambulance to crash.